Parents Dating

Dating after a divorce is hard enough.  It can become even more complex when you are a parent and so what you do, affects your children.  Here are some ideas on how to make divorced dating a better experience for all:

• The person you have gone out on a date with may also be divorced or not be at all.  In any case, never ever go out on a date and complain or speak poorly of your ex.  I’ll never forget the Christmas where my uncle brought his new girlfriend to Christmas and all she did was complain about her ex-husband who was her kids’ dead-beat dad.  It made for many uncomfortable people, and left quite a lasting  impression (not a good one) in my mind.  If the topic of your ex comes up, keep it low key and then change the subject.
• Keep the dating fun and light-hearted.  You do not want to give the impression of being desperate to find someone to help you raise your kids.
• Do not introduce every single new date to your children.  Actually, do not introduce your children to anyone until you have gotten to know this person well and you are comfortable knowing that the relationship is more than just a fling.  This brings to mind the situation of my single-parent friend who introduced her children to a man she was dating much too soon.  It turned out that he was emotionally and verbally abusive to her, and unfortunately, the children saw it too. Therefore, getting to know the person well will decrease the chances that your children are exposed to this sort of thing.  The other reason why it is so important to wait before introducing your children to your dates is that you want to ensure that your children do not get attached to the person you are dating.  That way if you learn that the person you have been dating is not who you want to be with, you can prevent a devastating loss for your children.

Watch a future post for more information and advice on divorced dating when children are involved.

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