Parents Dating

Perhaps you have noticed that your children are having more behavioral issues since you started dating or you have not started dating again because you are concerned that children behavior problems will emerge.  In what follows, I will provide you with some ideas of what can cause this, so that you can either get help to remedy the problem or prevent them from coming up in the first place.

In most cases, behavior problems in children are a manifestation of something that they are feeling,and/or cannot or do not want to express.  Although you may feel that you are an adult and you deserve some adult company (and I’m sure you do), your children may not see it this way.

Often, children are concerned that you are trying to replace their other parent, or that you are or will be spending too much time with your new dating partner.  They may be concerned that you will leave them and that they will have no one to take care of them. Your children may not like the person you are dating, and this is a good reason to listen to them and find out why they are feeling this way.  Perhaps, in the past, they have met other people you were dating and these people eventually “left them” too when your relationship ended.  They may be scared of getting close to another one of your dates for fear that that person will not be around for the long-term.  Or perhaps, your children do not feel like you are acting your age, or that you are not practicing what you preach.  I know one parent who preached no sex to her teenage children, but often spent the night at her boyfriend’s house.  A bit hypocritical, I think.   Whether or not your children’s fears and concerns are legitimate is not the issue.  What is legitimate is how they are feeling, and if you can deal with these feelings, you can often rectify the behavior.

Because if feelings are not dealt with, children often act out with untoward behaviors.  The key is to recognize what your children are saying or doing, and then deal with it before things get worse.  That is another reason why, in other posts, I have discussed that it is important that you not be introducing your children to every date you have.  Read other posts on this blog that provide advice on how to introduce your children to the person you are dating.

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